Confused Emotions
by blubby
Summary: NEW CHAPTER: LILY THE GARDEN! Lily's POV. You know you're confused when you start talking to yourself, when you start arguing with yourself, but worst of all, the man you hate is the man you love. But I'm not going to admit that. R&R!
1. Close Call

Disclaimer: The characters are NOT mine!!! I am NOT JK Rowling!!! I do not own anything.except the plot .and a few bucks.  
  
Chapter 1: Close Call  
  
Today, I knew something was going to happen. Something good. I felt like nothing could ever make me frown again. I was really excited, as I ran through the wall between stations 9 and 10. I was going to meet my friend Arabella in our usual compartment, she told me she had to tell me, or perhaps show me, something important.  
  
I was already running late. I glanced at my watched as I pushed my trunk.  
  
Wrong timing to look at my watch (sounds funny.)  
  
Next thing I know, I'm flat on my face, and my belongings are all scattered on the floor.  
  
"WHY?!?" I exclaimed. I quickly bent down, not paying attention to who I bumped into. I wanted to put all my scattered clothes and knick- knacks back in the trunk before somebody saw something of mine that might embarrass me.  
  
As I checked everything in my trunk, I noticed that the most important thing in the world, or in my life (that is not alive and breathing), was missing.  
  
Brilliant Lily, just plain brilliant.  
  
You just lost the diary that holds all your deepest, darkest secrets. Now, anyone can just find it, pick it up, open it, then.READ IT!!!  
  
"Just brilliant" I said to myself without noticing.  
  
Oh, gosh Lily! Now you're talking to yourself! You really have gone nutters.  
  
Why couldn't I have had the sense to put a lock on it, magical or not!  
  
Breathe in, breathe out!  
  
Don't panic!  
  
It was then that I noticed a pair of legs standing right in front of me the whole time (I was kneeling on the floor). I cautiously looked up to see, none other than the fabulous JAMES POTTER!!! With MY DIARY!!!  
  
This is not happening.  
  
Why him.  
Why me.  
  
"Looking for this!" he said with a smirk, holding out my diary for all to see. A crowd started to form around us, and whoa, it's starting to get really hot in here! I'm sweating badly! Could someone get me a cup of water? I feel a lump in my throat.  
  
Horror in my eyes, I spat back in the deadliest tone I could make "GIVE - THAT - BACK!" I stood up to face him.even if my face didn't even reach his. I was a head smaller.okay more, but that's not the point.  
  
"And why should I, Evans? What are you going to do?" he taunted, his cute chocolate brown eyes mischievously sparkled.  
  
Wait  
  
Did I say cute  
  
I couldn't have called a sick, hormone-driven fifteen-year old playboy, who, by the way, is holding MY SACRED NOTEBOOK, and won't give it back.cute?!?  
  
I must've meant puke  
  
That's right. puke chocolate brown eyes! Wait, that doesn't make any sense -  
  
Okay! Now I'm arguing with myself.  
  
Stop it!  
  
"Potter, I need that notebook!" I screamed..sort of. I was on the verge of tears. It was very hard to get heated up when you want to break down.  
  
He didn't budge.  
  
" Please, please, please give my diary back!" I wailed. I know, I'm being sooo pathetic, but if he reads that notebook.  
  
.the notebook that states that I, Lily Evans, like.. him, my life would be ruined. I won't even admit that to Arabella, my BEST friend.  
  
I don't know what happened, I hated him for all those years of taunting and pranking, he hasn't even stopped, but I find that everything he does makes me want to melt.  
  
As I mentioned before..pathetic.  
  
"Hmmm.lets see.." he said, motioning to open the notebook.  
  
"You wouldn't.." I said, not even believing what I said, because he seems like the certain person to do that sort of thing.  
  
I don't even know why I like him. He can be such a jerk.  
  
"Potter, fine! Read it! I'll just tell your mother!" I pointed to a person over his shoulder.  
  
His face looked terrified. I knew the last thing he wanted was to be seen by his mother! Boy, if he got caught doing these sort of things, he'd be in deep trouble.  
  
As he looked away(with great great fear in his eyes, if I might add) I lunged for my diary and pulled it away from his hands.  
  
"SCORE!" I screamed  
  
I was so happy now! I realize that I can get pretty emotional.  
  
Haha, he just stared at me, dumbfounded.  
  
The crowd cheered, enjoying the 'show' and soon went back to their own business.  
  
"Pretty good" he said. "But I never really was going to read it you know. I'm not that prat-ful!" Then he smiled, and walked unto the train, probably off to meet his friends. "See ya later, tomato head!" he called. As his face disappeared unto the train.  
  
I just stood there, staring into space. Such a gentleman, I'll choose to ignore that last line.waitaminute.he didn't even help me with my trunk! Uh! Now I have to find a way to put this heavy thing on board!  
  
Authors Note: What do you think? Please review! I want praise, constructive criticisms.everything..although flames are not exactly welcome. Chappie 2 comin up! 


	2. Blowing My Head Off

Disclaimer: I am not JK Rowling! I don't look like her, I don't have her beautiful brain, and I don't own her characters! Only the plot is mine.  
  
Chapter 2: Blowing my head off  
  
I ran through the hall of the train towards our usual compartment. I was now really really really late!  
  
As I burst open the compartment door, I realized that there was not just one head to greet me, but four more than that!  
  
Am I in the wrong compartment?  
  
I moved out of the door to check.  
  
Nope, I'm in the right one, all right.  
  
Did Arabella clone herself? Okay, so I'm asking myself stupid questions..  
  
"Lily!" someone called out.  
  
Um...that was a guys voice. Or a really low girls voice.  
  
I popped my head to see the people inside:  
  
Arabella...of course..  
  
Sirius, holding her hand...yesss....  
  
Remus, sleeping...uh-huh..  
  
Peter, drooling...okay....  
  
James, talking...alright..  
  
....WHAT?!?  
  
"What are you marauders doing here?" I questioned, breaking out of my trance.  
  
"Lily!" Arabella exclaimed, "This is the surprise!" She seemed so happy!  
  
Why?  
  
Huh?  
  
I guess that expression was written all over my face because she expounded.  
  
"Sirius is my boyfriend! So he and his friends are sitting with us."  
  
"Wha-what?!?" Was all that came out of my stuttering mouth. "I think I need to sit down. Yup. Scoot over please."  
  
Everything was happening so fast. Arabella and I hated the marauders in our first, second, and third year, last year, yeah, they became cuter.. but. (A/N they're in their 5th year, I don't think I mentioned that.)  
  
Now she's dating Sirius Black  
  
Now I like James Potter  
  
Wow, now I'm actually admitting that fact to myself..progress.  
  
" So, tomato, how are ya doing?" James asked me, messing my hair playfully. He easily did so because he sat across me. "Where's your diary?" he smirked that smirk that made me want to hit him and kiss him at the same time.  
  
I grunted. I hate that name. Who does he think he is?  
  
" I see you're finally growing." He continued, " Sooner or later you'll start filling up!" he winked, and leaned over to pinch my arm.  
  
Uh! I hate it when people start talking about my physical appearance. Or start making me feel inferior.  
  
This time I grunted even louder.  
  
"Now eat plenty, and you'll start looking like a girl instead of a stick!" He laughed.  
  
I looked at Arabella for help, but she was busy snogging Sirius.  
  
This time, I was angry.  
  
"Potter, you can be such a conceited jerk." I screamed at him, "You don't even look good (lie, and I know it), you have the ugliest feces-colored eyes, and the most annoying smile!!!"  
  
"Well, Tomato, at least I look like an adult! Unlike you.." He responded  
  
"You don't act like one! You act like a little kid! Please grow up and get a REAL life!" I said and swiftly walked out the compartment and slammed the door behind me.  
  
I looked back, and put a smug smile on my face, feeling triumphant.  
  
I, then, made my way to the prefect meeting, on account that I'm a prefect.  
  
Yes, I would've felt great, but I banged my head on one of the doors.  
  
Good thing no one saw.  
  
(I'm skipping the Sorting Ceremony.)  
  
In the girls dorm after the ceremony..  
  
"Lily" Arabella asked quietly "..are you mad at me?"  
  
I just looked at her.  
  
"I realize that Sirius is a Marauder, but he seems really really nice" she continued. "I would have owled you, but I never found the time -"  
  
"But you found the time to snog him...and in the compartment with James..I mean Potter, you didn't even help me! What is wrong with you???" I screamed.  
  
So I was in a bad mood  
  
So sue me!  
  
She should have helped me out! I'm her best friend!  
  
"Lils, I'm really sorry.." She apologized. Her face was painted with guilt.  
  
My expression did not change. I crossed my arms and put on a frown.  
  
We sat in silence, until I noticed Arabella's face turn into a confused one.  
  
"Wait a sec.did you just call Potter, James?'  
  
Authors Note: Okay? What do you think? Please Review!!! If you have any questions, ideas (pranks, etc) please either include them in the reviews or e-mail me at ya_follah@yahoo.com ! Chappie 3 on its way!!! 


	3. Lily the Garden

Hey! Thanks a lot to those who reviewed! It really meant a lot! Hope this chappie reaches your expectations. Sorry, Oh, and to BlackRose1212, okay, I'll add some sadness, somewhere in the story, maybe in chapter 6 or something. But Hogwarts school just started and I want FUN, FUN, FUN!!! Thanks again! Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Again, as I have said so many times, I do not own the characters or anything you recognize, they belong to the great JK Rowling! But I'm proud to say I own the plot! (Woo hoo! I own something!)

Chapter 3: Lily the Garden

"Wait a sec…did you just call Potter, James?'

Uh-oh

"You know what, I'm really sleepy. Good night" I moved toward my bed and hid my face under the covers.

Unfortunately, I'm talking to my best friend here. Darn it.

I should go to acting school and learn how to hide my emotions.

Arabella went over to me and pull the blankets away. "Do you like James?"

"No!" I lied (and I stunk at it) "But I like sleeping!" and pulled the blanket over my head again.

"Omigosh! You like James!" she exclaimed.

I quickly pulled her down, turning bright red, a curse of being a red head. "Shhh, okay? You don't have to scream it to the whole world!"

I looked around; the other ditzes in our dorm were fast asleep. Phew!

Arabella smiled smugly as she made her way to her four-poster bed.

"Good night, Mrs. Black!"

"Good night……Mrs. Potter! ….Hahahahahaha!"

"Shut up! And I do not like him!"

"Lily!" Arabella called out, causing me to jolt out of my bed and land on the floor.

Ow. I stayed in that position for a minute or so, still in dreamland. Then, I finally stood up and rubbed my very sore butt.

"yawn Good morning Arabella!" I greeted.

"Um…..Lils….y-you-your hair……"

"What about it?" I asked, and then pulled a strand of hair in front of my face to see what was so frightening that it caused Arabella to stutter.

My eyes widened.

I ran to the mirror and screamed. "POTTER!"

My hair was greasy, just like that Slytherin Snape's, the one that we they all hate, and my scalp was sprouting lilies and tomatoes pointing in every direction. My skin was also the color of mud and grass. Not only that, I smelled horrible!

"POTTER!" I shouted out again.

I looked at Arabella and noticed she looked terrified, either because of how ugly I looked or, how I would react.

I didn't say anything about this and ran out of our room and toward the boys' dorm. Since I didn't know the stupid counter curse, I would have to go and get it from him. And I wasn't going to go find him in the common room, or the great hall, looking like this!

I wanted to explode! Punch him. Kick him. Chew his head off. Make him suffer! Put him to the guillotine. Feed him to the snakes.

I opened the door and saw him running away from what seems to be a girl version of Sirius.

I wanted to………snog him.

Aaahhh!!! Mental slap!

Lily, look at what he did to you. You can't like him after this!

Right.

Sirius and James both froze and started laughing at my appearance. I looked around and saw Peter still sleeping and Remus reading a book, looking annoyed by all the commotion.

"James, just change both of them back, and we can all enjoy silence" he said.

"Silence, my ass!" James responded, and then turned his attention back to me, trying to hold back his laughter. Sirius was still laughing madly, banging his arms on the floor.

"Why, it's my ever-darling tomato head!" he greeted, not noticing that Sirius decided to lunge at him.

"Hahahahaha" Sirius cackled maniacally, in a rather unusual high pitch since he was now a 'girl'. "I got you now, Prongs! Now change me back or I'll tell Lily here one of your very secretive secrets!"

"Change me back too!" I added.

It never occurred to me that boys had secrets.

Stupid Lily, Stupid Lily!

Of course guys have secrets!

……I wonder what sort of secrets James has………

Not knowing, as I was asking myself questions, I was staring at James stupidly!

James and Sirius stopped roughhousing and looked at me strangely.

Wow. What a way to 'hide' your feelings, huh, Lily. Great job.

"Ummmm…." James started, obviously not knowing what was going on. It's a good thing that guys can be such airheads sometimes.

Thank God, he kept his thoughts to himself and said "but Sirius, you look manlier than ever, and Lily, you look the best than you've ever looked!"

What an insult! Then he smirked………THAT-THAT….SMIRK!

Kill him or kiss him.

What?!? What am I thinking???

"Lily, dear" Sirius said, smiling loudly "did you know James-"

James quickly said the counter curses and Sirius, unfortunately, shut his mouth. I was really interested in what he had to say.

Damn.

"James, dear" Sirius, who was still sitting on James, pinning him to the ground, said "will you marry me?" He blinked his eyes madly and puckered his lips.

James looked at him disgusted. "Eeewwww!!! Gross! Get off me!" He pushed Sirius off and sent themselves into fits of laughter, even Remus joined in.

I muttered a thank you and stomped off back to my room.

I could hear James ask Sirius, as I left "So Padfoot, what sort of trouble do you want to cause today?"

"Enough trouble to get me in detention, only 529 more to go."

To think, it's only morning.

Today, transfiguration was a bore! Potter's the star of that class, and I'm the dunce. I can't change a pencil to a pen to save my life! Professor McGonagall was droning on about how magnificent being an animagus is. It would be nice to be able to change into an animal at your will, but seeing as how much I stink in transfiguration, being an animagus is way out of my reach.

Surprisingly, the marauders are dominating the class participation. They know all the answers! Usually, they don't even care to raise their hand.

Arabella must've been as bored as I was, because she passed me a note.

**Lily, if you plan on keeping your infatuation a secret, you might want to start taking your eyes off Potter boy. People will start becoming suspicious. –Bella **

I was staring at him? Lily, why can't you control your actions? You'll never be able to lead a private life, if you can't keep one measly secret.

Arabella's catching on. Time for some damage control.

_Oh gosh! Thanks Arabella! I wouldn't want people to get the wrong idea. I mean, me liking James Potter, as if! –Lily_

**Come on Lily! It's so obvious! Do you actually think you can deceive me? I can read right through your soul! Don't deny your love! –Bella**

Deny my love? She's a pretty good mind reader. Too bad this is one situation where I don't want her to read my mind!

_Arabella! If you're just trying to tease me, the least you can do is make the guy a handsome gentleman. Potter's too immature. –Lily_

It hurt to lie to my best friend, but some things just have to be done.

As I passed the note back, Remus eyed me suspiciously and Sirius intercepted it. He grabbed the note and started to read. You could see in his eyes he was highly amused.

I looked at Arabella for help. She looked at me the same way. There was nothing I could do, for if I stood up I'd be admitting to the Professor that I was passing notes…..in her class! That would ruin my chances of being head girl for good. (A/N I know she's overreacting, but that's Lily! She's just paranoid!)

Please don't show the note to Potter! Please don't show the note to Potter!

I closed my eyes tightly and kept repeating these words to myself. Before I knew it, class was dismissed.

I didn't know whether Sirius showed the note or not (note, not…hahaha….okay, moving on, don't mind me…….) I didn't want to know, because most probably he did.

I walked away from class as fast as I could, not daring to look back, in case a marauder was there. So far so good…….

"Lily!"

Oh no. Keep walking, pretend not to hear…….

"Lily!" It was Sirius. And Remus.

Darn! I could feel a hand pull my shoulder. I had no choice but to look at them. I'm telling you, I bet my face was no pretty sight, my face was as red as a……tomato.

"We just wanted you to know" Remus stated "that we didn't show the note to James."

Really??? Big exhale!!! Woo Hoo! Let's dance! Let's jump!

"I appreciate your gesture." I said calmly, the total opposite of how I really felt inside.

"But, if you do like our Jamsie boy" Sirius cut in "We suggest you tell him now, before he starts dating some bimbo out there."

"Thanks, but the tip is not needed. I do not like Mr. Potter! I repeat, I DON"T!" I said with finality in my tone.

I don't know how long I can keep up all this lying. My conscience will be haunting me soon.

"Fine by me. But the only person who'll be suffering is yourself." Remus said and walked past me to his class.

Sirius shrugged and ran off to Arabella, who greeted him with a passionate kiss which, as it seems, he fondly responded.

On normal circumstance, I'd be grossed out, but now, I feel sort of…..jealous? Lonely?

Oh Lily! Why is it so hard for you to get a guy that likes you for who you are and not how you look?

I bit my lip and walked to class.

Authors Note: Well, the end of Chapter 3! Hope you liked it! Please, please review!! Thanks!

Edit: I'm not sure if I'm going to continue it. I think I lost the plot.


End file.
